With the birth of our beautiful babies, I have made an executive decision to rename our blogsite. You can now view the latest comedic occurrences and happenings in our family at www.yasuifamily.blogspot.com
Since Mac and Rayla are here, it's silly to keep blogging under "yasuitwinsontheway" cause they ain't no longer on the way!
Don't worry, I'll still keep the funnies and I seem to have a new outlook on the blogging.....Oh, how this should be fun!!!
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The Test
Strength. Is it measured by my physical ability to do something? Is it measured by my mental status? Is it measured by my emotional ability to get through a situation? I'm always wondering if people see me as a "strong" person. I think I act stronger than I really am to be honest, but, I still think I am a strong person. How strong is strong enough, though?
I didn't have an easy early childhood. Between the drugs that I saw my mother drown herself in, and the abuse I was subjected to by my stepfather, it's a surprise that I'm the person that I am today. But I vowed to myself at a very young age that I would not, under any circumstance, allow myself to fall like my parents did. Not only would I succeed within myself, but I would make sure that my children were raised with morals, with support and most of all, love. At the ripe age of 11, I was adopted by my grandparents, who were godsends. They thought that they would have some work to do with me because of the trauma I had sustained, but I had made up my mind long before they stepped in that I was going to be a better person than the two people who I called parents while I was young. As I look back on that period in my life, I see it almost as if it really wasn't me who was there. I remember it like a book that I have read, and somehow relate and completely understand. That must have been my first true test of strength. Maybe it was a test of faith. If it was a test of faith, what in the world was God thinking??!!
After I relocated with my grandparents my life became grand. I lived my teen years much like any teenager should. I was a good kid, worked hard in school, did chores, got paid for those chores, and respected my grandparents wholly. My senior year in high school was somewhat different than many other students experienced, however. Most kids were applying for college, meeting with advisors, testing for college and scoping out the locations of the next 4 or 5 years of their continuing education. Not me. I was working, and didn't really have the push to apply for college. I wasn't pushed by my grandparents much to further my education. It wasn't their fault at all. They had been wonderful parents to me, giving me everything I needed to succeed in all that I did while I was living with them. But when it came to college they just didn't know what to do. Maybe I should have been more proactive - I didn't know what to do, either. All of their friends were, well, grandparents too, and nobody knew the college scene, what was needed to be done, or the kind of work it took to apply, test for and get into college. After high school my grandpa finally sat me down to talk to me about my future. Work, he said, and you'll be fine. Or, maybe you can go to a trade school. He was so out of date, he called it a trade school. I knew then that it was up to me to decide my future, as it should be. And, I was OK with that.
After a few ups and downs with some decisions I made after high school (First husband being the largest mistake), I found my niche. It was motherhood. I was a young mother, but somehow I just knew what to do. I worked my butt off to make sure my daughter had all she needed and that I was still able to be a good mother to her. It was tough, but I did it, and I did so without government aid. Not too many people can say that. I'm proud to be one of the few single mothers strong enough to do it on my own. Strength test number two.
Now, as I look into my living room I see my 11 year old daughter doing her homework, my two year old son playing with Thomas the train, and my newborn twin girls gurgling at each other, all hoping that I'll plop some food in their mouths soon. It's work unlike any job I've ever held - Being a mother of four, that is. Lucky for me the girls aren't identical and I can tell which one I've fed last. Poor Cooper has entered his "terrible two's" and has the tendency to scream when he doesn't get what he wants, or throw himself into a fish like tantrum on the floor. I try to console him when my hands are free, but anymore that isn't too often. Hormones are raging in Katie, and her current stresses of school tests, overloads of homework and softball are recipe for outbursts that seem smack-worthy and back talking unlike anything I've ever experienced.
Each morning I usually wake up with a baby in my arms, one or two more fussing, Katie getting ready for school and Corey getting ready for work. Everyone's hungry, everyone wants up, and everyone wants it NOW. Honestly, I should just sleep in my clothes. It's five or ten minutes after I get up for the day before I am actually able to pick a child up and tend to their needs. I wake, I throw on the nearest thing I see to cover my ass, grab a shirt out of my drawer, put my dirty hair up in a clip, pee and head out into life. I'm never presentable and I hope constantly that someone doesn't just drop by to say hi. Sometimes I'm in holey shirts and grubby shorts all day, which is not something I'm real proud of or that I've ever allowed myself to do in the past. I often don't get my teeth brushed until my second pee break, sometime between 11 and 2 if the children have all gone down and I don't have something on the stove. I sometimes forget until late afternoon when it dawns on me that my teeth just don't feel right. I have called a friend or two once or twice in the past couple of months just to chat, but, people must be afraid to call me for one reason or another as it's been months since I've heard from many of my friends. My husband and I are both tired from working all day, and evenings seem so chaotic no matter the day. Corey and I have never had a real fight in all 8 years we've been together, but I might have yelled at him last night. It was a surprise for both of us and I think I heard him exclaim, "please, don't divorce me!!" In this economy? Not a chance, babe!! He's so busy at work, comes home to utter chaos, and still wants to find ways to make things easier for me. He's a good man.
I believe that this time in my life is the next strength test. Will I be OK? Can I continue to be a good mom, and will I ever be the wife I once was? I have felt my sanity slipping on a couple of occasions, and have felt the sadness of an unhappy loved one who is feeling neglected, maybe even rejected, a time or two. I know, nobody ever said this was going to be easy, but wow was I in for a shock. My work is certainly cut out for me, but I'm up for the challenge. My wonderful mother in law is back in action here at the house, helping out when she can. She came yesterday and I was able to nap with Cooper. Today during her visit I was finally able to take a shower after three whole days...ugh. Tomorrow she'll come late morning for a couple of hours while Cooper and I have some "me and mommy" time. It's been months, so that will be nice. Friday she's offered to watch the kids while I go do something for myself. I trust her whole heartedly, but I think I'll ask Kim to stop in to hang out just so that there's an extra set of hands. I do it 24 hours a day and have done so for nearly 8 weeks.......It's still overwhelming for me at times.
So friends, can I do it? I believe so. I might break down and cry every now and again, yell out of frustration at one one of my children on occasion, or even snap at my husband when he's trying to help. But, in the end, I only mean well. And if I fail somehow in this strength test, maybe what I really need then is a stress test to straighten me out. At least, for today, I'm clean. That's a good start.
I didn't have an easy early childhood. Between the drugs that I saw my mother drown herself in, and the abuse I was subjected to by my stepfather, it's a surprise that I'm the person that I am today. But I vowed to myself at a very young age that I would not, under any circumstance, allow myself to fall like my parents did. Not only would I succeed within myself, but I would make sure that my children were raised with morals, with support and most of all, love. At the ripe age of 11, I was adopted by my grandparents, who were godsends. They thought that they would have some work to do with me because of the trauma I had sustained, but I had made up my mind long before they stepped in that I was going to be a better person than the two people who I called parents while I was young. As I look back on that period in my life, I see it almost as if it really wasn't me who was there. I remember it like a book that I have read, and somehow relate and completely understand. That must have been my first true test of strength. Maybe it was a test of faith. If it was a test of faith, what in the world was God thinking??!!
After I relocated with my grandparents my life became grand. I lived my teen years much like any teenager should. I was a good kid, worked hard in school, did chores, got paid for those chores, and respected my grandparents wholly. My senior year in high school was somewhat different than many other students experienced, however. Most kids were applying for college, meeting with advisors, testing for college and scoping out the locations of the next 4 or 5 years of their continuing education. Not me. I was working, and didn't really have the push to apply for college. I wasn't pushed by my grandparents much to further my education. It wasn't their fault at all. They had been wonderful parents to me, giving me everything I needed to succeed in all that I did while I was living with them. But when it came to college they just didn't know what to do. Maybe I should have been more proactive - I didn't know what to do, either. All of their friends were, well, grandparents too, and nobody knew the college scene, what was needed to be done, or the kind of work it took to apply, test for and get into college. After high school my grandpa finally sat me down to talk to me about my future. Work, he said, and you'll be fine. Or, maybe you can go to a trade school. He was so out of date, he called it a trade school. I knew then that it was up to me to decide my future, as it should be. And, I was OK with that.
After a few ups and downs with some decisions I made after high school (First husband being the largest mistake), I found my niche. It was motherhood. I was a young mother, but somehow I just knew what to do. I worked my butt off to make sure my daughter had all she needed and that I was still able to be a good mother to her. It was tough, but I did it, and I did so without government aid. Not too many people can say that. I'm proud to be one of the few single mothers strong enough to do it on my own. Strength test number two.
Now, as I look into my living room I see my 11 year old daughter doing her homework, my two year old son playing with Thomas the train, and my newborn twin girls gurgling at each other, all hoping that I'll plop some food in their mouths soon. It's work unlike any job I've ever held - Being a mother of four, that is. Lucky for me the girls aren't identical and I can tell which one I've fed last. Poor Cooper has entered his "terrible two's" and has the tendency to scream when he doesn't get what he wants, or throw himself into a fish like tantrum on the floor. I try to console him when my hands are free, but anymore that isn't too often. Hormones are raging in Katie, and her current stresses of school tests, overloads of homework and softball are recipe for outbursts that seem smack-worthy and back talking unlike anything I've ever experienced.
Each morning I usually wake up with a baby in my arms, one or two more fussing, Katie getting ready for school and Corey getting ready for work. Everyone's hungry, everyone wants up, and everyone wants it NOW. Honestly, I should just sleep in my clothes. It's five or ten minutes after I get up for the day before I am actually able to pick a child up and tend to their needs. I wake, I throw on the nearest thing I see to cover my ass, grab a shirt out of my drawer, put my dirty hair up in a clip, pee and head out into life. I'm never presentable and I hope constantly that someone doesn't just drop by to say hi. Sometimes I'm in holey shirts and grubby shorts all day, which is not something I'm real proud of or that I've ever allowed myself to do in the past. I often don't get my teeth brushed until my second pee break, sometime between 11 and 2 if the children have all gone down and I don't have something on the stove. I sometimes forget until late afternoon when it dawns on me that my teeth just don't feel right. I have called a friend or two once or twice in the past couple of months just to chat, but, people must be afraid to call me for one reason or another as it's been months since I've heard from many of my friends. My husband and I are both tired from working all day, and evenings seem so chaotic no matter the day. Corey and I have never had a real fight in all 8 years we've been together, but I might have yelled at him last night. It was a surprise for both of us and I think I heard him exclaim, "please, don't divorce me!!" In this economy? Not a chance, babe!! He's so busy at work, comes home to utter chaos, and still wants to find ways to make things easier for me. He's a good man.
I believe that this time in my life is the next strength test. Will I be OK? Can I continue to be a good mom, and will I ever be the wife I once was? I have felt my sanity slipping on a couple of occasions, and have felt the sadness of an unhappy loved one who is feeling neglected, maybe even rejected, a time or two. I know, nobody ever said this was going to be easy, but wow was I in for a shock. My work is certainly cut out for me, but I'm up for the challenge. My wonderful mother in law is back in action here at the house, helping out when she can. She came yesterday and I was able to nap with Cooper. Today during her visit I was finally able to take a shower after three whole days...ugh. Tomorrow she'll come late morning for a couple of hours while Cooper and I have some "me and mommy" time. It's been months, so that will be nice. Friday she's offered to watch the kids while I go do something for myself. I trust her whole heartedly, but I think I'll ask Kim to stop in to hang out just so that there's an extra set of hands. I do it 24 hours a day and have done so for nearly 8 weeks.......It's still overwhelming for me at times.
So friends, can I do it? I believe so. I might break down and cry every now and again, yell out of frustration at one one of my children on occasion, or even snap at my husband when he's trying to help. But, in the end, I only mean well. And if I fail somehow in this strength test, maybe what I really need then is a stress test to straighten me out. At least, for today, I'm clean. That's a good start.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Laughter truly is the best medicine
There are moments in life that we all just want to scream. Sometimes we want to scream at someone or something - Most often because of something that person has done, or because the something didn't cooperate with us. And, then there are the times that we want to scream at ourselves. Though I don't find myself wanting to scream much of the time, I have felt myself getting a little "bluesy" a time or two over the past week. At least I'm woman enough to admit it, and though I certainly don't believe it to be post partum depression, I still search for ways to uplift my mood. The best medicine of all, as most of us know, is laughter. This week for several reasons, I have found myself laughing so hard sometimes that tears were running down my face. I'm not releasing those "happy endorphins" through exercise, but I feel my spirits rise each time I laugh. Of course, I have to share some of the laughter inducing incidents and stories that I was blessed with this week.
It all began with Katie. Though beautiful she is, there is a reason we didn't name her Grace. One evening we asked Katie to keep an eye on Cooper - This request is usually followed by "Just stand there, or sit there. But, don't go to Cooper - Let HIM come to you." We sound like a broken record whenever we say that, but we need to remind her each time. So, she did just that this particular evening. She stood still while watching him play around her. Now, I still don't know why it happened, but as Corey and I looked over at her she had confused look on her face. She turned to look at Cooper, forgot to move her feet, and she fell.....She had tripped over her own feet while standing still. It doesn't sound as funny as I type it, but it really was. The poor kid fell all the way to the ground. Saturday was her first softball game of the season and because it was so cold, I went to the game alone while Corey stayed home with the small children. Her first time up to bat she looked ready...She was positioned well, had a mouthful of chewing gum and had a determined look on her face. Pitch one: She swings, she misses. That's OK. Pitch two: It's a fast ball. She swings, she hits it, and the child forgets to run. She watches as the ball rolls past the first baseman and her teammates just kind of look at her like she's crazy. She looks up at me, and again, she had that confused look on her face. She shrugged her shoulders and I couldn't help but laugh. She's such a dopey little child at times. She made up for that little incident, however, by hitting a nice grounder with all bases loaded and getting an RBI.
It all began with Katie. Though beautiful she is, there is a reason we didn't name her Grace. One evening we asked Katie to keep an eye on Cooper - This request is usually followed by "Just stand there, or sit there. But, don't go to Cooper - Let HIM come to you." We sound like a broken record whenever we say that, but we need to remind her each time. So, she did just that this particular evening. She stood still while watching him play around her. Now, I still don't know why it happened, but as Corey and I looked over at her she had confused look on her face. She turned to look at Cooper, forgot to move her feet, and she fell.....She had tripped over her own feet while standing still. It doesn't sound as funny as I type it, but it really was. The poor kid fell all the way to the ground. Saturday was her first softball game of the season and because it was so cold, I went to the game alone while Corey stayed home with the small children. Her first time up to bat she looked ready...She was positioned well, had a mouthful of chewing gum and had a determined look on her face. Pitch one: She swings, she misses. That's OK. Pitch two: It's a fast ball. She swings, she hits it, and the child forgets to run. She watches as the ball rolls past the first baseman and her teammates just kind of look at her like she's crazy. She looks up at me, and again, she had that confused look on her face. She shrugged her shoulders and I couldn't help but laugh. She's such a dopey little child at times. She made up for that little incident, however, by hitting a nice grounder with all bases loaded and getting an RBI.
Last Friday, Corey and some friends traveled to Portland in an RV for an event that the guys were participating in. There were 6 of them, and the RV was just a comfortable option for them. After their arrival at the venue, Rob, the owner of the RV, opened up the tip out to make more room for the 6 guys inside. That was about 5:30pm. They went about their business, put on their show, and headed out of the parking lot around 9pm. Some of the guys had been drinking that evening, including Rob, so another guy took over the driving. As they headed out of the parking lot people were staring at them with looks that made them wonder if they were just driving too fast in the parking lot. They continued to get looks as they drove down the road. A few blocks into their trip Rob screams out "OH MY GOD, PULL OVER!!!" Amidst all their fun, excitement, and, ahem, drinks, every single one of the men on board neglected to notice that the tip out was still out - I have never seen an RV in motion while the tip out was out, but I could just imagine how ridiculous they all looked. I laughed until I cried while Corey told me this. The driver mentioned something later about how the RV was "tilting" to the right, and wondered why he couldn't see out of his right rear view mirror. LOL!
And, finally, there's little Cooper. He's a bounding, emotional, intelligent little boy that is such a joy to have around. Every time I look at him he's doing something different. He watches as Corey and I care for the twins, and he has 2 baby dolls that he mimics our actions with. But, honestly, it's when he speaks that just cracks me up. A few months ago something happened that upset me and I yelled out "Dammit!" Unfortunately, I said this in front of Cooper. Since then, he says that word (compliments of negative reinforcement from Daddy) in a correct manner. For instance, he knocked over a plate of food onto the floor a few days ago. His response? "Dammit!" And, then, there's the time he fell off a chair and hurt his leg. His response then? "Bonk, Dammit!" "Bonk" is his word for hurt. As awful as it is, I find that often I remove myself from his view after he's said it so that he doesn't catch me laughing hysterically at him. I am, however, working diligently on reprogramming "Dammit" to be "Uh, oh!" We're getting there. This past weekend he showed us a little more of his speaking ability. While Corey was working on a project on the computer, Coop went up to him and asked "What doin' Corey?" I heard Corey break out in to laughter and remind Cooper that he's daddy. So Cooper responds with "Well, what doin' daddy?" Hearing him speak so well, so clearly, makes me love this part of his age. He is on the verge of potty training - He tells us when he has to poo, and he lets us know if he's peed or pooed so that we can change his diaper. We picked up a little potty chair for him last weekend and his first package of pull ups. I'm not as ready for it as he is, so I haven't put a pull up on him yet. Maybe I will next week. In 2 weeks he turns 2 and we're shooting for a Yo Gabba Gabba party, as that is his favorite show. He loves to sing, dance and move all around, which is the basis for the show. It probably won 't be a big party, but it will be fun. He enjoys things now and I love to watch him to see what he'll do or say next.
Each day I try to capture a moment to remember. A word from Cooper, a look from one of the twins, a crazy thing Katie does or even a silly story from Corey is what I look forward to each day. You always hear people tell you to live life to the fullest, and though I don't live life out on the edge or traveling in another country, I have my family, my friends and my oh so crazy life to keep me filled with more than I could ask for. Each day is an adventure for me now and each adventure is new. It's almost worth writing a comic strip about......Hmmm. I wonder.......
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
No More Dirt Twirls
Happy one month birthday babies! Yesterday our little munchkins turned 1 month old. It doesn't seem possible, does it? This past month has been so crazy for our family, and I can't express how wonderful it is that we are all finally getting back to normal, everyone is healthy and we finally have had the time to really adjust to the changes that 2 new additions to our family has brought.
Katie is now full throttle in to her softball season. Her practices have come twice each week for the past month and the big kickoff is this Saturday. In Hood River, little league is one of the biggest, if not THE biggest sports season to be involved in. Kate has been involved in it for three years, and this is her first year in the Majors. It's amazing the difference from when she first began to play until now, where all the girls are 5th or 6th graders, and they are all serious about wanting to play. No more daydreaming in the outfield, picking flowers around 2nd base, or twirling about in the dirt in the infield. This Saturday will begin with the Little League kickoff parade at 8:30am. We will arrive at Kate's school shortly after 8am, candy in tow, readying Kate and her team for their participation in the parade. All of the little league teams march through town, led by police cars and firetrucks, and throw candy to the excited little onlookers. Though many of the watchers will be families of the little leaguers, and young children with dreams of future stardom in the ball fields, I am most excited to see the asian man who runs the local grocery store. He gets so excited to see the parade, and jumps around, laughing, cheering, and throwing his own candy back at the little marchers. They didn't know at first whether they were supposed to grab the candy or what. But, they eventually figured it out. After the parade the opening ceremonies takes place at the majors field. As tradition lives on, the ceremony begins with the national anthem, most often sung by our local country music voice Dave Tallman. Then, each team is introduced and some awards in the majors teams are issued - Usually to the 6th graders who will no longer be playing in little league after this year. After the ceremony, the games begin spanning locations from Parkdale to across the River in Washington. Let the fun begin!
Cooper is finally a healthy little bug. So healthy, in fact, that his voice has returned, and in full force. This kid has a vocal noise level equal to his hefty frame, but above and beyond what anyone in this house is used to. He sings loud - Good, but loud. He screams loud. He counts loud. He even talks loud. A screech here and there has brought on a pretty good Migraine, which I haven't had in a very long time. But, no matter how bad it gets, I can never complain that I can't hear, or understand, what he says. He is loving our good weather, and loves to be outside playing on his little tykes slide and tunnels in the yard. He has some learning to do about how to treat cats, as he can get a little rough with them. He seems to think that their tails are cranks and that they're really meant to be wheel barrows - I secretly laugh when he attempts to pick them up by their hind legs and drive them like a wheel barrow. I know, it's not funny, but the cats just drop and lay there looking at him, so it can't be that bad. And then, after he's let them go, they run back up to him and snuggle around his legs. I bet they secretly like it too......
Mackenzie and Rayla are growing so fast and are becoming prettier each day. I didn't think that they could be cuter, but it's amazing what some extra poundage does for the appearance. I wish that was the case with me, but poundage on me looks more like tonnage in pictures. On Friday, Mack weighed 7lbs 13ounces and our tiny Rayla weighed in at 6lbs 15 ounces. I can't believe how big they've gotten. FINALLY, I have been able to dress them in a couple of things that fit them. In other words, they're not swimming in them. For the longest while we had just a couple of preemie outfits that would fit, and everything else just looked like a tent on them. I played dress up with them yesterday and put them in matching dresses...They looked so beautiful! They don't have to go back to the doctor until May 22 and we only have to report their weights to the clinic. We have a cherry scale that weighs pounds, ounces and kilograms and we made sure that the measurement it gave us was the same as the measurement at the doctors office. It was, so we can do this on our own without having to go in once each week to have them weighed. They have been sleeping double in a co-sleeper that we had for Cooper, but last week they outgrew it together. So, now they're sleeping together in one of the bassinets. It's pretty big, so it will be a little while before they outgrow that, thank goodness. Oh, they are so much fun!
Corey is back to work full time, and has been for a couple of weeks. He's been so wonderful working there, working here and doing all he can to make things as easy for me as possible. Last weekend he hit the yard with the lawnmover giving it the first haircut of the year. It now looks beautiful. Katie and I planted flowers in the front flower box last night, and that made it look even better. The harvest season is due to arrive in a couple of months, so the longer hours at work will be starting soon as well. The fruit trees are in full bloom and the valley is just breathtaking. We have had some warm days over the past week, but cooler days and nights are said to be on the way - This isn't good for farmers, as too cold could mean that they lose their crops. It's the same thing every year, though, so everyone's prepared. Corey's been such a trooper with me being on bedrest before we had the girls and then during the girls arrival and following weeks and in June he gets to go to Reno with the boys for a nice, fun, relaxing weekend - He hasn't been in a while, and it's a good time to get away before it gets too busy with harvest. He's looking forward to that nice little getaway with the boys. Once that harvest begins, he won't have any free time until October or November.
I'm doing good. I lost nearly all of the weight I gained while pregnant, but put a couple pounds on when I started a new medication a couple of weeks ago. I'll get that under control, and hopefully begin to lose the weight once again until I've reached a nice goal I've set for myself. It's a far shot, but I've got to try. I know there's a much smaller, happier person inside this chubby body and I'm going to find her. Besides, I need to have the stamina to run after 3 babies! I'm looking for something to do for myself, but haven't found, or decided on, the right thing just yet. I thought yoga, but that's just not me. Pilates? I don't know about that, but I do have several friends who absolutely love it. Maybe an aerobics class once I'm all healed - I used to love that. Either way, I have got to find a hobby. Now that I have 4 children to care for full time, it's much more difficult to go anywhere or do anything for myself and I'll go crazy if I'm not able to get out and do something every once in a while. I find myself going a day or two at a time without a shower - Yeah, I know it's not anything to be proud of, but it's not as easy to get one in as I thought it would be. Feed, pump, play with Cooper, feed again, diaper change, pump if I can, read to Cooper, do some dishes, pick up the toys, feeding time again, feed Cooper too, Yay...Nap time. Wake up, feed babies, go pee before my bladder explodes, get Cooper situated with some toys, Hmmm, 3 o'clock now, maybe I should get dressed.......HA! Believe it or not, the twins are much easier at night than Cooper was alone. He cried hours at a time at night for months, leaving us very sleepless. I have never been one to to into post partum depression, thank goodness, but I think I had a touch of it in the hospital right after the girls were born before we came home. Luckily, it stayed there. If I wasn't as strong as I am, I'd probably be worried about developing that depression here at home during this time of learning and chaos. I think I'm an OK person, a good mom and a good wife. I can be better, and these next few months I will be working on bettering every aspect of my life. I may need some help and support, and a good kick in the butt along the way, but I'm determined to reintroduce the me I've lost within to my friends, my family and most of all, me.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Bye Bye Ucky Bug
I wish I was a super human queen with as many clones as I have fingers. But, I'll settle for tired mother of 4 for now, as I know that in time life will return to normalcy in some sense of the word. Just when I think that life has begun to settle, it throws us a curveball that is completely unexpected - I swing, and I miss. If just once I could have things happen as they should I think that my blood pressure might actually have a normal reading, my mind would be clear and I'd have enough energy to do something above and beyond the things I have to do.
We went a whole week with our newborns home, and the only thing holding us back was poor Coopers horrible, horrible illness. He has never been that sick, and it got so bad that Corey took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with some sort of respiratory infection and an ear infection. Poor baby!! The doc told us to try to keep Coop away from the girls, and we did as best as we could.......Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. On Friday we noticed that the girls had developed runny noses, and they got progressively more sick over the weekend. On Monday, I called to make an appointment for the girls on Tuesday because the coughing was so awful, the snot had turned green and they both seemed miserable. Just minutes after I made the appointment, Mackenzie began a coughing fit and she couldn't clear her throat. She started gasping for air and turned blue. Luckily, Corey was home - He grabbed her, pat her back as hard as he could, and she came out of the fit. I called the doc right back and we were instructed to come in immediately. We got to the doc and the girls continued to cough and be super snotty. But, there was no episode like there was at home. After an hour of checking each girl over, checking oxygen saturation and just watching them in the office, the doctor said that we should take them home and watch them closely, noting that if there were any marked changes that worried us, we could bring them to the ER. As we headed home, about a half mile from the office, I looked over at Mackenzie, and she was gasping for air, and her little face had turned purple once again. I screamed at Corey to pull the car over, and he jumped out of the car and around to my side faster than I've ever seen him move. He grabbed Kenzie from me and once again pat her back. That was enough - We drove back to the doctor, and though the office was closed and the front door locked, I noticed that the back door to the clinic was open. Corey bolted in and found the doctor. He instructed us to immediately take the girls to the ER.
Once in the ER, the attending physician came out to talk to us. He told us that instead of being seen in the ER, they were going to admit the girls at least overnight for observation, and hook them up to oxygen. Since Hood River is not set up for Neonatal care, the doctors and nurses in the ICU had to improvise a little. They put us up in a double room, removed one of the beds and put in a large crib for the babies. A mist tent was set up and oxygen was sent into it. The girls had blood tests run and an RSV swab to help narrow down what was causing them so much distress. Corey and I were completely unprepared for this ER visit, so at about 8pm Corey made a quick run home to get Cooper and Katie settle with caretakers, and grabbed a few things for all of us as well. I was on my feet for close to 5 straight hours, which is not something I had done in a while. After the long while of standing, I sat on the bed in an attempt to relax. However, the girls were hooked up to heart and oxygen monitors, and when the levels got too low, or too high, an alarm would go off. The first few hours were like hell for us, as the monitors kept going off. Just as quickly as we sat down, the alarms would blare, and we'd be bolting out of our seats to tend to the girls and do what we could to help them. The tests finally came back by evening time and it was confirmed - They both tested positive for RSV. RSV is a respiratory infection, commonly compared to the common cold in adults. RSV in toddlers can just be watched, but when newborn, premature babies get it as early as our girls did it can be critical. By Tuesday morning I was in nearly as much pain as I was 2 days after the C section - I was just not used to this type of activity. Corey's stress levels are above and beyond anything they've ever been in his life - And he's not sleeping. Sick kids and overly tired parents - Not a good mix.
Tuesday was another day of touch and go. Mackenzie seemed to be better, but little Rayla had developed the symptoms that Mack had the previous day, that ultimately landed us in the hospital. Of course, because of that, we were kept in the hospital for another night of observation. We had no arguments - whatever it took to get the babies healthy. All of Tuesday we just watched and watched them. We learned that one of the only ways to get them better was to constantly suck the snot out of their little noses. So we did - every hour, sometimes more, until their little noses were raw. But we had to do it. We couldn't believe that a baby so small could produce so much nastiness in their sinuses, but the proof was in the puddin'. So we continued for hours, aspirating snot, watching closely over our angels and hovering over the monitors, carefully watching the numbers rise and fall, hoping that they would stay in the normal range. It was an exhausting time for all of us - The girls, because it was so much work for them to just breathe, and for us, because we didn't, couldn't sleep. By Tuesday night we were so out of our minds that we couldn't think straight. The doctor had neglected to come to the hospital for rounds Tuesday evening, and none of the nurses or staff knew what the plan of attack was for the girls. We all put our heads together and made some decisions for the evening, and the respiratory therapist decided to turn the oxygen off and take the girls out of the tent for a while to see if they could breathe on their own. We knew we had to do it at some point, but it was still nerve racking to know that they wouldn't be in there. They were still hooked up to all the monitors, so we did have that reassurance. A sleepless night indeed and worth every moment of it. The girls did wonderful and by Wednesday morning we knew that the doc would release us. We came home Wednesday morning, and were ready to stand post at home to watch the girls and make sure everything was fine.
Cooper had to stay with his grandma one more night just to make sure that germs weren't spread one way or another, but Katie came home. Today, Thursday April 9, Cooper finally came home and once again we're here as a family. The schedules, just life itself for us has been so interrupted by illness, exhaustion and the unexpected. I hope that in the near future we are able to regain our health, our sanity and our lives and that the ucky bug (Coop's new fave words) finds it's way out of our way.
Saturday is Corey's birthday, and he's due for a good spoil. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for him, but I know that if he had his choice it would be a day at the golf course. Actually, that sounds like a really good idea.......I guess I have some work to do!
We went a whole week with our newborns home, and the only thing holding us back was poor Coopers horrible, horrible illness. He has never been that sick, and it got so bad that Corey took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with some sort of respiratory infection and an ear infection. Poor baby!! The doc told us to try to keep Coop away from the girls, and we did as best as we could.......Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. On Friday we noticed that the girls had developed runny noses, and they got progressively more sick over the weekend. On Monday, I called to make an appointment for the girls on Tuesday because the coughing was so awful, the snot had turned green and they both seemed miserable. Just minutes after I made the appointment, Mackenzie began a coughing fit and she couldn't clear her throat. She started gasping for air and turned blue. Luckily, Corey was home - He grabbed her, pat her back as hard as he could, and she came out of the fit. I called the doc right back and we were instructed to come in immediately. We got to the doc and the girls continued to cough and be super snotty. But, there was no episode like there was at home. After an hour of checking each girl over, checking oxygen saturation and just watching them in the office, the doctor said that we should take them home and watch them closely, noting that if there were any marked changes that worried us, we could bring them to the ER. As we headed home, about a half mile from the office, I looked over at Mackenzie, and she was gasping for air, and her little face had turned purple once again. I screamed at Corey to pull the car over, and he jumped out of the car and around to my side faster than I've ever seen him move. He grabbed Kenzie from me and once again pat her back. That was enough - We drove back to the doctor, and though the office was closed and the front door locked, I noticed that the back door to the clinic was open. Corey bolted in and found the doctor. He instructed us to immediately take the girls to the ER.
Once in the ER, the attending physician came out to talk to us. He told us that instead of being seen in the ER, they were going to admit the girls at least overnight for observation, and hook them up to oxygen. Since Hood River is not set up for Neonatal care, the doctors and nurses in the ICU had to improvise a little. They put us up in a double room, removed one of the beds and put in a large crib for the babies. A mist tent was set up and oxygen was sent into it. The girls had blood tests run and an RSV swab to help narrow down what was causing them so much distress. Corey and I were completely unprepared for this ER visit, so at about 8pm Corey made a quick run home to get Cooper and Katie settle with caretakers, and grabbed a few things for all of us as well. I was on my feet for close to 5 straight hours, which is not something I had done in a while. After the long while of standing, I sat on the bed in an attempt to relax. However, the girls were hooked up to heart and oxygen monitors, and when the levels got too low, or too high, an alarm would go off. The first few hours were like hell for us, as the monitors kept going off. Just as quickly as we sat down, the alarms would blare, and we'd be bolting out of our seats to tend to the girls and do what we could to help them. The tests finally came back by evening time and it was confirmed - They both tested positive for RSV. RSV is a respiratory infection, commonly compared to the common cold in adults. RSV in toddlers can just be watched, but when newborn, premature babies get it as early as our girls did it can be critical. By Tuesday morning I was in nearly as much pain as I was 2 days after the C section - I was just not used to this type of activity. Corey's stress levels are above and beyond anything they've ever been in his life - And he's not sleeping. Sick kids and overly tired parents - Not a good mix.
Tuesday was another day of touch and go. Mackenzie seemed to be better, but little Rayla had developed the symptoms that Mack had the previous day, that ultimately landed us in the hospital. Of course, because of that, we were kept in the hospital for another night of observation. We had no arguments - whatever it took to get the babies healthy. All of Tuesday we just watched and watched them. We learned that one of the only ways to get them better was to constantly suck the snot out of their little noses. So we did - every hour, sometimes more, until their little noses were raw. But we had to do it. We couldn't believe that a baby so small could produce so much nastiness in their sinuses, but the proof was in the puddin'. So we continued for hours, aspirating snot, watching closely over our angels and hovering over the monitors, carefully watching the numbers rise and fall, hoping that they would stay in the normal range. It was an exhausting time for all of us - The girls, because it was so much work for them to just breathe, and for us, because we didn't, couldn't sleep. By Tuesday night we were so out of our minds that we couldn't think straight. The doctor had neglected to come to the hospital for rounds Tuesday evening, and none of the nurses or staff knew what the plan of attack was for the girls. We all put our heads together and made some decisions for the evening, and the respiratory therapist decided to turn the oxygen off and take the girls out of the tent for a while to see if they could breathe on their own. We knew we had to do it at some point, but it was still nerve racking to know that they wouldn't be in there. They were still hooked up to all the monitors, so we did have that reassurance. A sleepless night indeed and worth every moment of it. The girls did wonderful and by Wednesday morning we knew that the doc would release us. We came home Wednesday morning, and were ready to stand post at home to watch the girls and make sure everything was fine.
Cooper had to stay with his grandma one more night just to make sure that germs weren't spread one way or another, but Katie came home. Today, Thursday April 9, Cooper finally came home and once again we're here as a family. The schedules, just life itself for us has been so interrupted by illness, exhaustion and the unexpected. I hope that in the near future we are able to regain our health, our sanity and our lives and that the ucky bug (Coop's new fave words) finds it's way out of our way.
Saturday is Corey's birthday, and he's due for a good spoil. I'm not sure what I'm going to do for him, but I know that if he had his choice it would be a day at the golf course. Actually, that sounds like a really good idea.......I guess I have some work to do!
Monday, March 23, 2009
The Arrival
I've been at the computer 6 times to do this blog, but I first began it LAST Monday, March 23, while I was still in the hospital - Today is Monday, March 30. Obviously, getting time to myself is no longer an easy task............
Happy Birthday Babies! That was the phrase that was first in my mind on the morning of Friday, March 20th as we prepared to head to the hospital for our scheduled C Section delivery of our girls. Between my nerves and Corey's nerves we should have easily been able to make a milkshake just by looking at milk and ice. The day was here, we were in heaven, and yet it was one of the scariest days of our life. Katie headed off to school and we dropped Cooper off with grandma. As we headed down the driveway toward the hospital Corey and I shared a nervous smile, and we began talking about how sure we were of the names we'd chosen. The ride to the hospital was long and when we got there Corey found a close parking spot and whipped the car in. As we were unloading the car, one of our many NST nurses was walking in with lunch for the OB staff - It was a busy day and nobody was getting out to get lunch this day. It was nice of her to do, and nice for the staff - They were going to need their energy for the upcoming day and night.
All registered up front, Corey and I headed up to the room we were to be in post op. Room 226. We arrived, unloaded some things, and though slowly at first, one by one the nurses began to hook me up to machines, monitors and the IV that would grace my arm for the next few days. The fear began to set in as the Anesthesiologist, Joel, came in to meet me and ask me a few pre-spinal block questions. He was young, and in conversation we found that he was the husband of one of our nurses, Briane (who happened to be very good friends with my very good friend Jennie from Madras). Both he and his wife looked way to young to be doing what they do. But as time went on, my trust in them became more of a dependency. Joel was talking me through everything, telling me, and Corey, what to expect, and in what order to expect it in. I looked up and it was 12:40pm. The surgery was set for 1pm. My nerves had begun to take over and I slowly felt myself begin to shake a little here and there. At one' o clock the doctor called up from the OR to see where I was and told the nurses to get me down there, ready or not. Any prep left to be done could be done in the OR. So, Corey, 2 nurses, the Anesthesiologist and I began our trip downstairs to the Operating Room. I was in the bed, so I was wheeled down like it was some big "to do". I was in a floppy gown and a hospital cap and Corey looked quite handsome in his head to toe scrubs. As we entered the surgery center, we noticed a little temperature change....It was somewhat colder than the room we had just left. As we walked down the hall, the nurses informed Corey that he'd have to wait in another room while both the surgery center and I was prepped. That very moment began a period of the greatest fear I've ever felt.
The OR was so cold and there were already several people in there awaiting my arrival, including my doctor, Dr. Henson. She asked how I was doing, but I can't remember my reply. It must have been something like "OK, considering the surgery I'm about to have!" The bed was moved next to a surgery bed that looked something like a torture table out of a horror movie - It was long, very narrow, and had extensions at the top of the bed for my arms to lay on. My first thought was, "They really expect my fat butt to lay on that table without falling off?" My second thought was, "Yes, they really do expect me to be on that table." The second thought came as three people assisted my extremely large, pregnant belly from the bed I was wheeled in on to that surgery bed. Before I could lay down, my spinal block was started. From what I remember, each of my previous epidurals were administered while I was in labor, so the twinges from the needle trying to find the "right hole" weren't felt like they were today. After a few minutes, it was in, and I was laid on the table. Everything began to move at a swift pace once the block was set. The sheet was brought in and placed in front of me so that I couldn't see the surgery. Just as Joel had told me, some effects of the block began to play out like clockwork. First, I'd feel a tingle down my legs. Then, I'd start to feel like my chest was heavy and that I couldn't breathe - This was due to the numbing of my abdominal area up to my chest, but, really I could breathe just fine. An oxygen mask was placed on my face, and instantly I didn't like it. I discovered that I was a little claustrophobic with the chest pressure and face mask and I asked Joel if women actually faint during one of these procedures, because I was fairly certain that if it hadn't happened before that I just might be the first to faint during a c-section. He said that it sometimes happens, and then told me he was adding some more anti-nausea meds to my IV. I had A LOT of anti nausea meds, and a lot of fluid to keep me hydrated. Finally, I felt nothing from my chest down. The moment Corey was brought in to the room I took his hand, and I have never felt safer, or more relieved, than I did at that moment. My shakes disappeared, my nerves settled, and we both prepared for the exciting delivery of our twins.
I could feel some slight movement around my belly, but it was painless and I really couldn't say where the feeling was at. The doc announced that she was bringing out baby A - Corey got to see her pulled out and was overjoyed at the sight of her. He said she was a little blue in color, but with a dash of oxygen, she let out a cry pretty fast. I asked if she was big, and Corey said he was surprised at how big she was....Yay! Corey got a couple of pictures before the doc announced that baby b was on her way out. A couple of pictures of her were snapped as well, and when I asked about her size the response was less excited. "Well, she's quite a bit smaller" someone said. Corey said that yes, she was small, but immediately she began to cry without a problem. That was the best sign I could have asked for. I still couldn't see anything, and I was still in such shock from everything going on around me that I couldn't revel in the moment of their birth; I couldn't even cry with excitement at their arrival. It was a sad, yet joyous occasion for me. Corey was called over to the baby warmers to meet his daughters, and a few minutes later, he walked over with the camera so that I could see the the pictures he took of our babies. My wonderful husband knew that more than anything I just wanted to see them, and just the picture was perfect for that moment. Soon after that, however, the babies were wrapped up, and with Corey holding one, another doctor holding the other, I got to see my daughters for the first time up close. As I got the energy to reach out and touch one of their faces, Corey and the doctor were called back to the warmers so that the girls could head up to the birth center and get their newborn stats done. Still, I had not even touched my new daughters. Several people left the OR and it instantly became a quiet, calm room, with just a few people left, joking about how one of the placenta's had been knocked on the floor and the whole room became a bloody mess. Luckily, I couldn't see it, but Corey told me the gory story later that night.
I was placed in a recovery room for an hour of observation, and this was after an hour long surgery. Finally in my room at around 3pm, a nurse walked in the room and asked if I'd like to meet my daughters....It was the moment I'd been waiting for. Corey had waited to tell the nurses their names until I had arrived and we completely agreed on which girl was to be named what. It was decided that baby A would be Mackenzie Ellen, after Corey's mom and grandma, and baby B would be Rayla Jean, after Corey's dad and grandpa, and the daughter my grandpa lost at a very young age. Mackenzie weighed 6 lbs 7 oz. and Rayla weighed a light 4 lbs 10 oz. We weren't expecting her to be so small - Just 3 weeks prior, my ultrasound showed that both girls weighed about the same, just close to 5 pounds. It's like Rayla just stopped growing at that time. Unfortunately, that is also when my pre eclampsia symptoms began to show and I began to have multiple problems in the pregnancy. That was most likely the cause of her small size, which makes the decision to deliver them at that time a wonderful thing. Though small, it was Rayla who received the higher APGAR score - The rating given at birth to rate color, vibrancy, reaction - basically saying this child is thriving or not. They both had great scores.
My first time holding the girls was a dream. I couldn't believe how small they really were. Both of my other children were tanks weighing in at 8lbs 14 oz and 9 pounds, respectively. I was able to breastfeed at the meeting and both girls latched on effortlessly. It was perfect. Just me, Corey, our baby girls, and a nurse here and there making sure I was OK. The lower half of my body was still completely numb, so I was constantly monitored for quite a while. The world seemed so different to me, as I was dazed from all the drugs that had just been pumped in to me, and instantly two perfect, beautiful little girls were in my arms. My bliss was interrupted several times over the next few hours due to the arrival of nonstop nausea and vomiting. I was given lots of anti nausea drugs during the procedure, and even after, but it just wasn't enough for me. Anything I took in, even water, set me off, and for the rest of the day, and in to the next morning, I could hold nothing down. I'd also lost quite a bit of blood and I was as white as a ghost. It wasn't enough lost that I needed a transfusion, but enough that left me lightheaded, dopey and anemic. Unfortunately, the anemia wasn't brought to my attention until the day I was discharged, so I went three days untreated for my anemia. I wonder if that detail was accidentally, or intentionally left undealt with until my discharge. Hmm.......
At discharge time for me, we already knew that the girls would have to stay for at least another day. This, of course, meant me too because I was nursing them. They had lost a significant amount of weight, and though they weren't really worried, the doctors still wanted them to be at the hospital for constant monitoring. It truly is frustrating for nurses and doctors to tell us to rest, rest, rest........And then come in to take stats, ask questions or just look at us every hour. Four days in to the hospital stay both Corey and I were exhausted, our emotions were running high, we were frustrated, and to top it off they moved us from a large room where Corey had a bed next to me to rest in, to a room half the size with a rock hard transformer chair that converted to what was supposed to be a bed. Ha. It was truly ridiculous. The room was so small that a new mom with one baby would feel cramped, but with TWO babies....Good Lord. Just to get to the bathroom we had to move a table and one of the babies bassinet's. The new hospital wing opens up tomorrow. The OB center in the new wing has enormous rooms. Lucky, lucky women who held off to this week!!!
Finally, 6 days after birth, the girls were released from the hospital - But not without some strict rules and schedules. We had to nurse, supplement, bottle feed, do whatever it took to make sure the girls were fed every 3 hours. Now, that doesn't seem like much, but when there are two, and I'm nursing them both, then they both have to be given some sort of supplement, and then I have to pump to get more milk for their supplements, that doesn't give much time for rest. Friday the 27th we went in for their weight check and found that after due diligence they still lost weight. So, we cranked up our gears and the doc ordered the feedings to occur ever two hours. Though exhausting, we were happy to do it, for the health and safety of our little girls. Saturday morning Rayla had gained 3 ounces, and Mackenzie gained 2 ounces. This afternoon we go in to the clinic to see their doctor for another weight check. We are hoping to see the increase in their weights once again, and hopefully taper off the nighttime force waking/feeding, and we'll all get some more rest.
So, there it is. Life as we knew it has changed for good, and we have a lot of adjustments to make. Our family and friends have been so supportive of us during this exciting time for us, and we're so happy to be where we are today. I debated ending my blog at the girls' arrival, but have decided to keep going. I love the way I get to document things that I normally wouldn't, or couldn't in everyday life. And now that we have a big, beautiful family, there are bound to be some wild and crazy things that happen over the next year that I will just HAVE to share.
Corey, Cara, Katie, Cooper, Mackenzie and Rayla. It's a mouthful, and Christmas cards will be funny. Maybe I'll shorten it to 3CKMR - Nah!
Happy Birthday Babies! That was the phrase that was first in my mind on the morning of Friday, March 20th as we prepared to head to the hospital for our scheduled C Section delivery of our girls. Between my nerves and Corey's nerves we should have easily been able to make a milkshake just by looking at milk and ice. The day was here, we were in heaven, and yet it was one of the scariest days of our life. Katie headed off to school and we dropped Cooper off with grandma. As we headed down the driveway toward the hospital Corey and I shared a nervous smile, and we began talking about how sure we were of the names we'd chosen. The ride to the hospital was long and when we got there Corey found a close parking spot and whipped the car in. As we were unloading the car, one of our many NST nurses was walking in with lunch for the OB staff - It was a busy day and nobody was getting out to get lunch this day. It was nice of her to do, and nice for the staff - They were going to need their energy for the upcoming day and night.
All registered up front, Corey and I headed up to the room we were to be in post op. Room 226. We arrived, unloaded some things, and though slowly at first, one by one the nurses began to hook me up to machines, monitors and the IV that would grace my arm for the next few days. The fear began to set in as the Anesthesiologist, Joel, came in to meet me and ask me a few pre-spinal block questions. He was young, and in conversation we found that he was the husband of one of our nurses, Briane (who happened to be very good friends with my very good friend Jennie from Madras). Both he and his wife looked way to young to be doing what they do. But as time went on, my trust in them became more of a dependency. Joel was talking me through everything, telling me, and Corey, what to expect, and in what order to expect it in. I looked up and it was 12:40pm. The surgery was set for 1pm. My nerves had begun to take over and I slowly felt myself begin to shake a little here and there. At one' o clock the doctor called up from the OR to see where I was and told the nurses to get me down there, ready or not. Any prep left to be done could be done in the OR. So, Corey, 2 nurses, the Anesthesiologist and I began our trip downstairs to the Operating Room. I was in the bed, so I was wheeled down like it was some big "to do". I was in a floppy gown and a hospital cap and Corey looked quite handsome in his head to toe scrubs. As we entered the surgery center, we noticed a little temperature change....It was somewhat colder than the room we had just left. As we walked down the hall, the nurses informed Corey that he'd have to wait in another room while both the surgery center and I was prepped. That very moment began a period of the greatest fear I've ever felt.
The OR was so cold and there were already several people in there awaiting my arrival, including my doctor, Dr. Henson. She asked how I was doing, but I can't remember my reply. It must have been something like "OK, considering the surgery I'm about to have!" The bed was moved next to a surgery bed that looked something like a torture table out of a horror movie - It was long, very narrow, and had extensions at the top of the bed for my arms to lay on. My first thought was, "They really expect my fat butt to lay on that table without falling off?" My second thought was, "Yes, they really do expect me to be on that table." The second thought came as three people assisted my extremely large, pregnant belly from the bed I was wheeled in on to that surgery bed. Before I could lay down, my spinal block was started. From what I remember, each of my previous epidurals were administered while I was in labor, so the twinges from the needle trying to find the "right hole" weren't felt like they were today. After a few minutes, it was in, and I was laid on the table. Everything began to move at a swift pace once the block was set. The sheet was brought in and placed in front of me so that I couldn't see the surgery. Just as Joel had told me, some effects of the block began to play out like clockwork. First, I'd feel a tingle down my legs. Then, I'd start to feel like my chest was heavy and that I couldn't breathe - This was due to the numbing of my abdominal area up to my chest, but, really I could breathe just fine. An oxygen mask was placed on my face, and instantly I didn't like it. I discovered that I was a little claustrophobic with the chest pressure and face mask and I asked Joel if women actually faint during one of these procedures, because I was fairly certain that if it hadn't happened before that I just might be the first to faint during a c-section. He said that it sometimes happens, and then told me he was adding some more anti-nausea meds to my IV. I had A LOT of anti nausea meds, and a lot of fluid to keep me hydrated. Finally, I felt nothing from my chest down. The moment Corey was brought in to the room I took his hand, and I have never felt safer, or more relieved, than I did at that moment. My shakes disappeared, my nerves settled, and we both prepared for the exciting delivery of our twins.
I could feel some slight movement around my belly, but it was painless and I really couldn't say where the feeling was at. The doc announced that she was bringing out baby A - Corey got to see her pulled out and was overjoyed at the sight of her. He said she was a little blue in color, but with a dash of oxygen, she let out a cry pretty fast. I asked if she was big, and Corey said he was surprised at how big she was....Yay! Corey got a couple of pictures before the doc announced that baby b was on her way out. A couple of pictures of her were snapped as well, and when I asked about her size the response was less excited. "Well, she's quite a bit smaller" someone said. Corey said that yes, she was small, but immediately she began to cry without a problem. That was the best sign I could have asked for. I still couldn't see anything, and I was still in such shock from everything going on around me that I couldn't revel in the moment of their birth; I couldn't even cry with excitement at their arrival. It was a sad, yet joyous occasion for me. Corey was called over to the baby warmers to meet his daughters, and a few minutes later, he walked over with the camera so that I could see the the pictures he took of our babies. My wonderful husband knew that more than anything I just wanted to see them, and just the picture was perfect for that moment. Soon after that, however, the babies were wrapped up, and with Corey holding one, another doctor holding the other, I got to see my daughters for the first time up close. As I got the energy to reach out and touch one of their faces, Corey and the doctor were called back to the warmers so that the girls could head up to the birth center and get their newborn stats done. Still, I had not even touched my new daughters. Several people left the OR and it instantly became a quiet, calm room, with just a few people left, joking about how one of the placenta's had been knocked on the floor and the whole room became a bloody mess. Luckily, I couldn't see it, but Corey told me the gory story later that night.
I was placed in a recovery room for an hour of observation, and this was after an hour long surgery. Finally in my room at around 3pm, a nurse walked in the room and asked if I'd like to meet my daughters....It was the moment I'd been waiting for. Corey had waited to tell the nurses their names until I had arrived and we completely agreed on which girl was to be named what. It was decided that baby A would be Mackenzie Ellen, after Corey's mom and grandma, and baby B would be Rayla Jean, after Corey's dad and grandpa, and the daughter my grandpa lost at a very young age. Mackenzie weighed 6 lbs 7 oz. and Rayla weighed a light 4 lbs 10 oz. We weren't expecting her to be so small - Just 3 weeks prior, my ultrasound showed that both girls weighed about the same, just close to 5 pounds. It's like Rayla just stopped growing at that time. Unfortunately, that is also when my pre eclampsia symptoms began to show and I began to have multiple problems in the pregnancy. That was most likely the cause of her small size, which makes the decision to deliver them at that time a wonderful thing. Though small, it was Rayla who received the higher APGAR score - The rating given at birth to rate color, vibrancy, reaction - basically saying this child is thriving or not. They both had great scores.
My first time holding the girls was a dream. I couldn't believe how small they really were. Both of my other children were tanks weighing in at 8lbs 14 oz and 9 pounds, respectively. I was able to breastfeed at the meeting and both girls latched on effortlessly. It was perfect. Just me, Corey, our baby girls, and a nurse here and there making sure I was OK. The lower half of my body was still completely numb, so I was constantly monitored for quite a while. The world seemed so different to me, as I was dazed from all the drugs that had just been pumped in to me, and instantly two perfect, beautiful little girls were in my arms. My bliss was interrupted several times over the next few hours due to the arrival of nonstop nausea and vomiting. I was given lots of anti nausea drugs during the procedure, and even after, but it just wasn't enough for me. Anything I took in, even water, set me off, and for the rest of the day, and in to the next morning, I could hold nothing down. I'd also lost quite a bit of blood and I was as white as a ghost. It wasn't enough lost that I needed a transfusion, but enough that left me lightheaded, dopey and anemic. Unfortunately, the anemia wasn't brought to my attention until the day I was discharged, so I went three days untreated for my anemia. I wonder if that detail was accidentally, or intentionally left undealt with until my discharge. Hmm.......
At discharge time for me, we already knew that the girls would have to stay for at least another day. This, of course, meant me too because I was nursing them. They had lost a significant amount of weight, and though they weren't really worried, the doctors still wanted them to be at the hospital for constant monitoring. It truly is frustrating for nurses and doctors to tell us to rest, rest, rest........And then come in to take stats, ask questions or just look at us every hour. Four days in to the hospital stay both Corey and I were exhausted, our emotions were running high, we were frustrated, and to top it off they moved us from a large room where Corey had a bed next to me to rest in, to a room half the size with a rock hard transformer chair that converted to what was supposed to be a bed. Ha. It was truly ridiculous. The room was so small that a new mom with one baby would feel cramped, but with TWO babies....Good Lord. Just to get to the bathroom we had to move a table and one of the babies bassinet's. The new hospital wing opens up tomorrow. The OB center in the new wing has enormous rooms. Lucky, lucky women who held off to this week!!!
Finally, 6 days after birth, the girls were released from the hospital - But not without some strict rules and schedules. We had to nurse, supplement, bottle feed, do whatever it took to make sure the girls were fed every 3 hours. Now, that doesn't seem like much, but when there are two, and I'm nursing them both, then they both have to be given some sort of supplement, and then I have to pump to get more milk for their supplements, that doesn't give much time for rest. Friday the 27th we went in for their weight check and found that after due diligence they still lost weight. So, we cranked up our gears and the doc ordered the feedings to occur ever two hours. Though exhausting, we were happy to do it, for the health and safety of our little girls. Saturday morning Rayla had gained 3 ounces, and Mackenzie gained 2 ounces. This afternoon we go in to the clinic to see their doctor for another weight check. We are hoping to see the increase in their weights once again, and hopefully taper off the nighttime force waking/feeding, and we'll all get some more rest.
So, there it is. Life as we knew it has changed for good, and we have a lot of adjustments to make. Our family and friends have been so supportive of us during this exciting time for us, and we're so happy to be where we are today. I debated ending my blog at the girls' arrival, but have decided to keep going. I love the way I get to document things that I normally wouldn't, or couldn't in everyday life. And now that we have a big, beautiful family, there are bound to be some wild and crazy things that happen over the next year that I will just HAVE to share.
Corey, Cara, Katie, Cooper, Mackenzie and Rayla. It's a mouthful, and Christmas cards will be funny. Maybe I'll shorten it to 3CKMR - Nah!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The Light at the end of the Tunnel
This pregnancy has been a journey full of excitement, exhaustion, twists, turns and some very interesting blogs. I can finally report that there is a light at the end of the tunnel......
Monday was my regularly scheduled NST and OB appointment. At the NST, baby A (formerly baby B) cooperated greatly and her heart rates were exactly as they should have been. Baby B, however, decided to be uncooperative and the nurses never got test results to report. A doppler monitor was used just to make sure there was a heartbeat, and of course, there was. It just didn't register on the NST monitors. My blood pressure seemed to look good, but there was a slight elevation in protein in the urine. The whole NST was a breeze and we were in and out in an hour. Our OB appointment wasn't until 2pm, so we got some shopping done and grabbed some lunch. It was really nice to have a lunch date with my husband - Luckily, the Mexican food restaurant we chose to eat at had booths large enough, and high enough, to fit my ridiculously large belly.
At the OB appointment, I found I had gained 5 pounds.....IN 3 DAYS!! I was shocked, but I imagine that 3 pound burrito I had for lunch couldn't have helped any. The nurse pointed out that I really shouldn't freak out because I had only gained 1 pound in 3 weeks, which is significantly less than the average 3 pounds a week weight gain at pregnancy end that a woman usually sees. Okay. My blood pressure was lower: 130 something over 80 something, and the protein in the urine didn't seem to concern the doctor at all. What did concern her, was that the nurses were unable to get a reading on baby B at the NST - So she pulled out the ultrasound monitor. We saw the babies, and they were both fine. Both were wiggling, kicking, punching and had excellent breathing patterns. Both were still breech. Baby A, on my left, was completely vertical and was basically sitting on my cervix. Baby B, was head to head with her sister and kind of curved down my right side - She was hugging the placenta. The reason that the NST on baby B was unsuccessful, however, was because not only was she in an awkward position, she was in this position behind her sister, baby A. She was actually closer to my back at this point than the front of my belly. But, she was fine, which was really all that mattered to us.
Because of the significant improvements, the doctor informed us that we'd just keep waiting it out and see how far we get in to the pregnancy. I didn't have to be on strict bed rest any longer, but I just needed to keep my activities to a minimum. This was a blow to us, as we'd just heard on Friday from the other doctor, whom we had seen the most over the past few months, that it would be very unlikely that we'd make it past this upcoming weekend. We were left slightly confused as to the doctors completely different opinions on what we should expect, so I called the other doctor yesterday morning to discuss our questions, and to make sure that both she and the other doctor were on the same page. I was informed that it would probably be the end of the day before I heard back from her, as she had a full day of patients and an emergency surgery scheduled during her lunch hour.
Cooper had been with me all day - The house is Cooper proofed and things are set up so that I never have to lift him or run after him. The gates we have are lifesavers. I took a nap with Cooper and woke up around 3pm. Corey had just got home form work and we decided to take my blood pressure. It was 156/96. Corey had me lay back down and we waited a few minutes and took it again. It was 150/104 - I was sent back to bed. We took the pressure 3 more times, and it was all over the board. At 4:15 I called the doctor and once again got a fast pass right up to the family birth center. We left the house, dropped off the kids and were at the hospital by 5:15. The staff was a little stressed at my arrival, and seemed to be prepping for an emergency delivery - Lots of running around, questions being asked, blood vials being brought in the room and everyone coming in to check on me to see that I was OK. Corey and I just looked at each other and exchanged a questioning look. A nurse came in and told me that I was to undress and get in to a gown - That was fine. I asked, "just waist down?" She said, "No, you need to undress completely because you'll have heart monitors attached to your chest in the OR." Uh, what? OR? I mean, we were suddenly so overwhelmed with nerves. I did my thing and crawled in to the bed. I was hooked up to the monitors and the girls were a dream to work with. Figures. The nurse then took my blood pressure and it was 139/74. Of course it was. The storm of frantic nurses and OB staff began to slow, and we began to relax a little. The NST that the staff hoped to get was complete within 25 minutes - We were absolutely amazed, and though I felt fine from the beginning, it was still nice to know everything and everyone in the tummy was just fine.
The doctor finally got to the hospital a little after 6:30pm and discussed the results with us - I was fine. The constant ups and downs in my blood pressure still had her concerned, and the protein in my urine had gone up to a 2+ in a day. I told her that I had intended just to talk with her about my visit with the other doc the day before and she said she discussed the appointment with her prior to coming to the hospital to see me. She decided that instead of waiting any longer that it would be in both my, and the babies, best interest to schedule the delivery for the end of the week. Because both girls are breech, I'll be having a c-section. I signed the consent forms and got lots of questions answered - The doctor explained everything that would happen from check in to post op. It's quite a production - In the OR I will be accompanied by 2 doctors, a nurse for me, a nurse for each baby, a respiratory therapist, the anesthesiologist and of course, Corey. I'm a little scared, as I have never had a major surgery, and of course it's not the way I had hoped to bring our beautiful girls in to the world. At the same time, I get to avoid labor - Gotta be optimistic about as much as possible!!
Tomorrow I go in for a final NST, a round of pre-op tests and the final paperwork before our big day. Friday morning I check in around 6AM and the surgery begins at 7:45AM. It's 10pm on Wednesday night, and I have to be honest that with each passing minute I become a little more anxious. I think I'll head to bed now and go to sleep - Maybe I can sleep through the nerves and get through the next day.....Just one more day. My next blog will be after the girls births. With the girls celebrating their birthday on Friday, and Katie celebrating hers on Monday, we'll have plenty to sing about this weekend.
What a way to begin Spring Break.......Happy Birthday my three girls!!
Monday was my regularly scheduled NST and OB appointment. At the NST, baby A (formerly baby B) cooperated greatly and her heart rates were exactly as they should have been. Baby B, however, decided to be uncooperative and the nurses never got test results to report. A doppler monitor was used just to make sure there was a heartbeat, and of course, there was. It just didn't register on the NST monitors. My blood pressure seemed to look good, but there was a slight elevation in protein in the urine. The whole NST was a breeze and we were in and out in an hour. Our OB appointment wasn't until 2pm, so we got some shopping done and grabbed some lunch. It was really nice to have a lunch date with my husband - Luckily, the Mexican food restaurant we chose to eat at had booths large enough, and high enough, to fit my ridiculously large belly.
At the OB appointment, I found I had gained 5 pounds.....IN 3 DAYS!! I was shocked, but I imagine that 3 pound burrito I had for lunch couldn't have helped any. The nurse pointed out that I really shouldn't freak out because I had only gained 1 pound in 3 weeks, which is significantly less than the average 3 pounds a week weight gain at pregnancy end that a woman usually sees. Okay. My blood pressure was lower: 130 something over 80 something, and the protein in the urine didn't seem to concern the doctor at all. What did concern her, was that the nurses were unable to get a reading on baby B at the NST - So she pulled out the ultrasound monitor. We saw the babies, and they were both fine. Both were wiggling, kicking, punching and had excellent breathing patterns. Both were still breech. Baby A, on my left, was completely vertical and was basically sitting on my cervix. Baby B, was head to head with her sister and kind of curved down my right side - She was hugging the placenta. The reason that the NST on baby B was unsuccessful, however, was because not only was she in an awkward position, she was in this position behind her sister, baby A. She was actually closer to my back at this point than the front of my belly. But, she was fine, which was really all that mattered to us.
Because of the significant improvements, the doctor informed us that we'd just keep waiting it out and see how far we get in to the pregnancy. I didn't have to be on strict bed rest any longer, but I just needed to keep my activities to a minimum. This was a blow to us, as we'd just heard on Friday from the other doctor, whom we had seen the most over the past few months, that it would be very unlikely that we'd make it past this upcoming weekend. We were left slightly confused as to the doctors completely different opinions on what we should expect, so I called the other doctor yesterday morning to discuss our questions, and to make sure that both she and the other doctor were on the same page. I was informed that it would probably be the end of the day before I heard back from her, as she had a full day of patients and an emergency surgery scheduled during her lunch hour.
Cooper had been with me all day - The house is Cooper proofed and things are set up so that I never have to lift him or run after him. The gates we have are lifesavers. I took a nap with Cooper and woke up around 3pm. Corey had just got home form work and we decided to take my blood pressure. It was 156/96. Corey had me lay back down and we waited a few minutes and took it again. It was 150/104 - I was sent back to bed. We took the pressure 3 more times, and it was all over the board. At 4:15 I called the doctor and once again got a fast pass right up to the family birth center. We left the house, dropped off the kids and were at the hospital by 5:15. The staff was a little stressed at my arrival, and seemed to be prepping for an emergency delivery - Lots of running around, questions being asked, blood vials being brought in the room and everyone coming in to check on me to see that I was OK. Corey and I just looked at each other and exchanged a questioning look. A nurse came in and told me that I was to undress and get in to a gown - That was fine. I asked, "just waist down?" She said, "No, you need to undress completely because you'll have heart monitors attached to your chest in the OR." Uh, what? OR? I mean, we were suddenly so overwhelmed with nerves. I did my thing and crawled in to the bed. I was hooked up to the monitors and the girls were a dream to work with. Figures. The nurse then took my blood pressure and it was 139/74. Of course it was. The storm of frantic nurses and OB staff began to slow, and we began to relax a little. The NST that the staff hoped to get was complete within 25 minutes - We were absolutely amazed, and though I felt fine from the beginning, it was still nice to know everything and everyone in the tummy was just fine.
The doctor finally got to the hospital a little after 6:30pm and discussed the results with us - I was fine. The constant ups and downs in my blood pressure still had her concerned, and the protein in my urine had gone up to a 2+ in a day. I told her that I had intended just to talk with her about my visit with the other doc the day before and she said she discussed the appointment with her prior to coming to the hospital to see me. She decided that instead of waiting any longer that it would be in both my, and the babies, best interest to schedule the delivery for the end of the week. Because both girls are breech, I'll be having a c-section. I signed the consent forms and got lots of questions answered - The doctor explained everything that would happen from check in to post op. It's quite a production - In the OR I will be accompanied by 2 doctors, a nurse for me, a nurse for each baby, a respiratory therapist, the anesthesiologist and of course, Corey. I'm a little scared, as I have never had a major surgery, and of course it's not the way I had hoped to bring our beautiful girls in to the world. At the same time, I get to avoid labor - Gotta be optimistic about as much as possible!!
Tomorrow I go in for a final NST, a round of pre-op tests and the final paperwork before our big day. Friday morning I check in around 6AM and the surgery begins at 7:45AM. It's 10pm on Wednesday night, and I have to be honest that with each passing minute I become a little more anxious. I think I'll head to bed now and go to sleep - Maybe I can sleep through the nerves and get through the next day.....Just one more day. My next blog will be after the girls births. With the girls celebrating their birthday on Friday, and Katie celebrating hers on Monday, we'll have plenty to sing about this weekend.
What a way to begin Spring Break.......Happy Birthday my three girls!!
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